Sunday, April 30, 2006

Day Six: Returning to Awareness

During the last five days, we have explored (1) opening the mind to observe whatever thoughts are arising, (2) attending to the physical movements we make when we eat, (3) the richness of the involvement of our five senses (taste, smell, touch, hearing, sight) when we eat, (4) the combination of awareness of physical movement and sensory experience, and (5) awareness of the fullness or spaciousness in our belly and the state of our hunger.

Today, we'll explore the arising of an intention to eat. When sitting before a plate of food, or sitting at home prior to driving to a restaurant, somewhere within us arises the intention to eat. Somewhere, an impulse to act is generated from which we lift the fork, or reach for our keys, or get up and walk to the kitchen to open the refrigerator or cupboard.

We began our journey five days ago by opening awareness to our thoughts. Today, let's be vigilant in our effort to be aware of the thoughts that pass through our minds that relate to food, and bring into being the impulse to eat.

In Practice

I awaken this morning, and the thought passes though my mind "I wonder what I should eat." I sit with this thought, not reacting to it by jumping up and heading to the kitchen, and ponder "where is this thought coming from?"

Upstairs, I am reading the paper and one of my children is eating a pancake. I look up from the paper and see the pancake. I think to myself, "What should I eat." I pause and reflect on whether I had even been thinking of food a moment before. It appears that the mere sighting of food encouraged me to want to get my own. But, am I even hungry? I place my hands on my belly and breathe deeply. There is a nice feeling of spaciousness. I feel no hunger pangs. I am, actually, at ease. Why ride the impulse into the kitchen. I breathe deeply for a few breaths and watch the urge pass.

I'm in the kitchen pouring myself a drink. I open the refrigerator and see a delicious treat. Hmm, I've labeled the treat "delicious." And a "treat." While not starving, I am not full either. Try as I might to bring awareness to this moment - to examine it from a place of balance -- I observe my hands reach for the baggy in which the treat resides. The baggy is opened. I reach inside. I sense my fingers prying open the bag. I sense my finger tips touch the cool treat. I breathe deeply. Who is in control here? I remove the treat and bring it to my lips. I open my mouth. Then, without expecting this, I pause. I stand motionless. What will happen next? I smile appreciating the mystery. I put the treat down, relax my shoulders and breathe deeply for several breaths. I wonder to myself, "do I want this treat?" I know it is from the health food store and not filled with chemicals. That is good. I know my body is longing for it. I know I am a little hungry. Surely, this is a good time to eat.

I find myself in that pivotal moment. It matters not what happens next. But the beauty of it is if I can make the next step I take one in which I am keenly aware of what is happening, as it is happening. I reach again for the treat and take a bite. A flood of flavor fills my mouth. I chew slowly and then swallow. I examine the fingers before my and watch them retreat to my side. I place the remaining treat in the baggy and return it to the refrigerator.

Breathing deeply, I feel my belly and smile. Not too full, not too empty. Just right.

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